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Danger: Void Behind Door

Writing by Matt Haynes

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The Dolly Parton High-Wire Act

Danger: Void Behind Door

In much the same way that the Shin-Hotaka Ropeway in Takayama takes those with a head for heights up the third-tallest peak in Japan, London’s new cable car will take people from Newham to a car park near North Greenwich station.

A Greenwich Nocturne

Danger: Void Behind Door

A philosophical taxi driver considers whether a pick-up can actually be said to truly “exist” if he doesn’t have the postcode for his satnav.

Mr Chambers’ Coffee House

Danger: Void Behind Door

I try to get to the bottom of Blackheath but just end up having an overpriced (though very nice) muffin.

It’s A Cafe – Underneath A Boat

Danger: Void Behind Door

Donna Summer takes issue with those complaining that the new glassed-in Cutty Sark has been “renovated too modern”.

Farewell to Fitzalan Street

Danger: Void Behind Door

Early morning nudity on the 07:03 from Slade Green, and how Hubert the Inflexible Frenchman left me unable to lift heavy weights for six months.

The World Comes To Deptford

Danger: Void Behind Door

The world’s largest cruise liner visits Deptford but refuses to tell anyone.

Crawling Up The Mile End Road

Danger: Void Behind Door

Why buses, naked women and steamed puddings are synonymous in the minds of most middle-aged men, and why Boris’s obsession with helplessly drunk teenagers is so far proving a good thing.

Henry’s Plinth

Danger: Void Behind Door

Henry Moore’s sculpture returns to Greenwich Park just after I’ve made lots of fuss about nothing to impress a French girl.

We Need To Talk About Neddy

Danger: Void Behind Door

A five-year-old labrador that was swept up in the excitement of the 2011 London riots lives to regret looting Primark.

Feminist Pelicans

Danger: Void Behind Door

Some thoughts on the sexual politics of pedestrian-controlled traffic lights and why Brussels fills me with horror.

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Sifted by Ilk

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“I will always love you,” he bellows as he wheels his cleaning cart down Gresham Street, trousers too short, grey hair almost gone, iPod clearly turned up to the max.

Serendipity Doo-Dahs

Ales of the Riverbank

A riparian pub crawl in which Chelsea midfielder John Obi Mikel is mistaken for Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi outside the Waterside in Chelsea Harbour but luckily a goose arrives and causes a diversion before it all kicks off.

The Peckham Panama

How a vision of cauliflowers being ferried from Epsom to Rotherhithe led to the construction of the (Not Particularly) Grand Surrey Canal and eventually Burgess Park.

The Ecstasy of Michael Gove

I stare bleakly into the abyss and wonder whether the election of Boris Johnson is all my fault (it's not, it's all yours).

Kiss Me Again Like You Mean It

How I sacrificed my chance of being published by Canongate on the rough-hewn altar of truth, dignity and acceptable hyphenation practice, with a small digression into how dogless lesbians keep warm in Canadian snowdrifts.

Iain and Will have a Cup of Tea

Two disconsolate psychogeographers reflect on how some of the ley lines that were dug up to build the Basketball Arena for the 2012 Olympics had been there since the days of King Lud.

We Need To Talk About Neddy

A five-year-old labrador that was swept up in the excitement of the 2011 London riots lives to regret looting Primark.

Mr Chambers’ Coffee House

I try to get to the bottom of Blackheath but just end up having an overpriced (though very nice) muffin.

Excuse me, miss, I bought this Jedi here last week, and it doesn’t work

Why the lack of recent postings cannot be blamed entirely on the inverse square law of gravitation and also definitely not on dragons.

Feminist Pelicans

Some thoughts on the sexual politics of pedestrian-controlled traffic lights and why Brussels fills me with horror.

Queue Here For Theresienstadt

A trip to Prague, and how the human soul has been replaced by a 64GB memory card.

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