1. Have you ever danced naked for money?
   No.
2. What’s that thing in the corner of the room?
   It’s an elephant, and I’ve already told you I don’t like talking about it.
3. Is it true what they say about Japanese girls?
   That if you stand them on their heads and spin them round very quickly, their shoes fly off? Yes.
4. I’ve used it up. I’ve worn it out. Now what shall I do with it? Not really sure… probably best to just put it in the bin… though maybe wrap it in newspaper first.
5. Are any of these questions going to have useful answers?
   Apparently, if you add a teaspoon of oil to the water when cooking pasta, it stops it sticking.
6. If you could give only one piece of advice to people thinking of starting their own independent magazine or record label, how many words would you use?
   Twelve.
7. What’s the best piece of advice you can give to people thinking of starting their own independent magazine or record label?
   Never leave small babies alone in fields where combine harvesters are operating.
8. Just going back to the pasta thing, does that really work?
   I don’t know. My gut feeling is that simply giving it a quick stir every so often is just as good.
9. OK, thanks.
   That’s not a question.
10. Sorry. OK?
    Yup, no problem.
11. When will there be a harvest for the world?
    Next Wednesday. Bring a sharp knife and a couple of bin liners.