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Danger: Void Behind Door

Writing by Matt Haynes

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Taxi for Mr Johnson

Danger: Void Behind Door

How the removal of bendy buses on route 507 inspired a new TfL competition to redesign the wheel in time for 2012.

London Prepares

Danger: Void Behind Door

The 2011 London riots: while Tottenham is in flames, Chipping Norton is in Oxfordshire.

A Riot Of Their Own

Danger: Void Behind Door

How I had my faith in human nature restored by the people of Sidcup and why toddlers and anarchists should neither be given Sunny Delight nor put in charge of the Northern Line.

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Sifted by Ilk

  • Fiction
  • Non-Fiction
  • London
  • South East London
  • London in 30 Words
  • Smoke A London Peculiar
  • Transport
  • Politics
  • Poems and Parodies

On the 17:10 to Crayford, she suddenly remembers Stockholm, and how he’d smiled when asking her name; and how she’d said “Madeleine”, because she’d known he’d never know it wasn’t.

Serendipity Doo-Dahs

The Dolly Parton High-Wire Act

In much the same way that the Shin-Hotaka Ropeway in Takayama takes those with a head for heights up the third-tallest peak in Japan, London's new cable car will take people from Newham to a car park near North Greenwich station.

The World Comes To Deptford

The world's largest cruise liner visits Deptford but refuses to tell anyone.

The Muted Trumpet

The tragic and largely true story of London's pie-eyed pachyderms, and why Henry III's pet jumbo smelt of Brut.

A Miscellany of Despair

How the National Maritime Museum is providing new opportunities for French people to shrug and go "bof".

Boris Johnson versus Dean Cox

A melancholy reflection on whether baklavas, beer, aubergine rasavangy and an 82nd-minute equaliser at Brisbane Road can ever compensate for the existence of Boris Johnson.

Going Back To Old Kent Road

How Monopoly stifles the very instincts that should engender success by insisting council planning departments impose draconian building regulations that allow for the construction of nothing but small green houses or big red hotels.

Henry’s Plinth

Henry Moore's sculpture returns to Greenwich Park just after I've made lots of fuss about nothing to impress a French girl.

Unsolicited Justin Bieber

A hairdressers in Greenwich reassures passers-by that their hair will only be cut if they request it.

The Song of the Olympic Binman

I am a binman for the council
And I walk the back roads,
Searchin’ in the dark for another bag to load...

Kiss Me Again Like You Mean It

How I sacrificed my chance of being published by Canongate on the rough-hewn altar of truth, dignity and acceptable hyphenation practice, with a small digression into how dogless lesbians keep warm in Canadian snowdrifts.

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